When Yes Doesn't Mean Yes (cont.)
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Expect another round of books and movies portraying victim and perpetrator as star-crossed lovers. Recognizing the potential damage to child sex abuse awareness campaigns, at least one advocacy organization is gearing up to boycott what may come of any deals. But boycotts may not beat the appeal of the public's interest in the bizarre and taboo.
Behind the distorted views is the myth that boys cannot be raped by women. According to statistics from the National Center for Juvenile Justice, women commit 20 percent of sexual abuse of boys (and 5 percent of abuse of girls).
Biologically, research shows, the body responds to stimulation even when the mind says no. Boys may consent to sex with a woman because it's easier to identify with "getting over'' on someone, than being powerless to stop an attack. But even when children consent, it doesn't count because they lack the emotional and intellectual maturity to understand what they're doing.
Among the 28 female survivors of child sexual abuse whom I have interviewed, seven are former drug abusers, four are alcoholics, three were prostitutes, two cut their arms and legs with needles or razors, six have eating disorders, one has a multiple-personality disorder and one is a high school dropout with two babies and a third on the way. All have battled depression. The news media often point out the trauma, fear and shame at the root of such problems among women; but we rarely hear of their prevalence among men.
Studies show that male survivors also grapple with feelings of isolation, inadequacy and vulnerability, concerns about their sexuality and masculinity, and difficulties finding resources and support. Physically or sexually abused boys are more likely than those not abused to smoke, drink or use drugs. And in one study, 57 percent of molesters were themselves sexually abused as children.
In an interview on the NBC program "Today'' recently, Mr. Fualaau tried to explain whether he and Ms. Letourneau might reunite by saying, "I mean, we left on awkward terms." That reminded me of a 50-something woman who described how, when she was a teenager, an uncle would come to her for sex. He stopped for a few years, she said, "And then we got back together." Her sense of reality was so altered by her experience that she saw a relationship. Such is the case with Vili Fualaau.
Even if the two walked off into the sunset together, there can be no happily ever after to this sad tale. Mr. Fualaau, now 21, says he wants to be with Ms. Letourneau, and this month a judge lifted an order banning contact. The court has recognized that as an adult, he has a right to see her, but it's important to remember that the decision to do so was never his. Ms. Letourneau took away Mr. Fualaau's ability to choose for himself many years ago.