The "Buy Me" Blues
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• Take your time as you open the gifts, says Illsley Clarke. "Give your child the gift and say, 'this present is from so-and-so.' After that, space the opening of the next gift by a few hours. Spacing teaches children delayed gratification, and gives them a chance to appreciate a gift.
• Scale back. "A lot of parents think, 'I don't want my child to be left behind,' so they get the electronic educational games with all the bells and whistles," Illsley Clarke says. "But research shows the best brain builders are building blocks and pots and pans."

Surayyah Spears got that message loud and clear one day as she watched Tariq dig through a pile of his high-tech toys and stop to play with an old $4 lunchbox sporting a fire department patch. For the holidays this year, Spears says she and her son will nest at home. "We can wear our PJs and stay in everyday," she says with a laugh.

PURPOSEFUL GIFT-GIVING
To make the holidays more meaningful, parents should identify a reason for giving," says Kevin Washington, Ph.D., a D.C.-based therapist. Each family should select five-to-seven core values that speak to why they celebrate certain holidays. And before buying the newest battery-powered, walking, talking gadget, he says, think of those values and ask yourself the following:

• What purpose does this gift serve?
• What does my child need most from me?
• What do I want most from my child? Love? Respect? Is this gift really going to help me get it?
• What values do I want my child to ascribe to and how does this gift tie into those values?

Some gifts that have meaning include board games, books to read aloud, and art activities that get you involved with your kids. You might also consider gifts that inspire a child's passion, or help fulfill her purpose. For a young child who likes to draw, for instance, pick up construction paper and washable markers and glue. For one who likes music, give an instrument and lessons, or books about music and children who make it. For an older child who's collecting an allowance, try a bank that shows how much money she puts in. For a teen who performs, try tickets to a major jazz revue, dance recital or play.

Finally, nurture children's natural inclination to give. For example, encourage your child to help you choose a holiday toy that you can donate to Toys for Tots or another deserving charity. "From very early on children have a great

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