Silent No More: (cont.)
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been changed) give voice to their stories of abuse and silence--and they discover, in the telling, a way to finally move beyond the secrets that have haunted them for so long.
Dangerous Games

Stephanie, a 31-year-old artist, rarely makes her way from her East Coast home to the rural midwestern town where she grew up. Home reminds her of the "games" she and her two sisters used to play with their father. "When Mama was away, Daddy would put us on his lap and feel us up," says Stephanie, the middle sister. "He'd call us into his room one at a time. He'd start with a hug or a tickle, and then he'd touch my breast. We knew what was happening. My sisters and I had a code. We'd say, `Okay, in five minutes, you've got to come and get me.'"

Throughout the girls' childhood, their father would call the eldest sister the most often. Today that sister escapes the pain of those memories through the use of illegal drugs and alcohol. Stephanie's youngest sister struggles with overeating. On the surface, Stephanie, who is single, seems highly functional compared with her sisters. She is full of energy and has a host of friends and a calendar packed with theater dates, parties and book-club meetings.

When I ask Stephanie how she feels about what her father did to her and her sisters, she seems surprised. She has never thought much about it, she says, adding, "What's done is done." But she quickly contradicts herself. "Things have built up over the last few years," she admits. "I'm at the point where I hate when my father even answers the phone. Yet when I do go borne, I don't want him to know that I feel uncomfortable. He's this old man and he does love me. It's all bizarre."

Stephanie believes her abuse is to blame for her struggle to become truly intimate with men. "For a long time, I didn't like to be touched," she says. "It made me feel kind of helpless." Her sisters, too, have had trouble sustaining relationships. Neither has ever married, but each has a child.

" The great wound of sexual abuse," explains social worker Maelinda Turner, "is that it leads you to believe you're not worthy to celebrate the gifts of the power of your sexuality without fear, question or judgment." I ask Stephanie if she and her sisters have ever considered talking with a professional. She shrugs: "I feel like you're supposed to just go on with your life."

Turner sees patterns typical of sexual-abuse victims in Stephanie and her sisters. "You can find ways to escape from the pain," she explains. "Work, drugs, food. You can be successful, smart and busy, but eventually it sneaks up on you. At some point you need to slow down and deal with what happened and how it has affected your life."

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