Silent No More: (cont.)
............................................................................................................................
viewing page: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9
My own healing took years. I was 21 when my mother and stepfather finally
sensed my discomfort around my uncle and gently encouraged me to tell them
about it. My parents were surprisingly calm, and I felt enormous relief
that I could finally let go of my secret. But when my mother called my uncle
to confront him, he denied everything, which left my parents to decide whom
they should believe. Fortunately for me, they believed their daughter. Some
heated family discussions followed, and it was eventually agreed that a
few relatives should be informed so they'd know not to leave their kids
vulnerable. My uncle steered clear of me, and life went
on.
But even after I shared my experience with my parents, I didn't really deal with the effects of it for another 12 years. During that time, the 9-year-old girl in me was still feeling a 9-year-old's feelings. And so, about four years ago, with the help of a psychotherapist, I began the hard work of untangling the secret from my life, pulling up its deeply rooted feelings of shame and fear and self-doubt.
When I look back on my experience, I see that the most difficult aspect of my abuse was not the telling, of what happened to me--it was carrying the burden of silence for all those years. In my own journey toward healing, I'm learning to counter the 9-year-old's thoughts that even now sometimes play in my mind. I'm learning not to be afraid of inviting attention by speaking up or standing out or even by writing. I'm learning that I didn't deserve what happened to me, and that I have a right to be angry at my uncle. I'm also learning that I can have warm, close relationships.
I married a man whose love was strong enough to breach the wall I'd built around myself, and who understood why I needed to take this healing journey. We have a young son who is my heart and joy, and I'm doing work that fulfills me. I used to wonder where I might be if not for what happened in that dark corner so many years ago. But I now see that in spite of what happened, I'm embracing life, moving out of the long shadow of silence and doing what I can to help myself, and others, heal. And like so many survivors, I carry on.
GETTING HELP
If your child tells you she has been abused, assure her that she did the right thing in telling and that she's not to blame for what happened. Offer her protection, and promise that you will promptly take steps to see that the abuse stops. Report any suspicion of child abuse to your local child-protection agency or to the police or district attorney's office. Consult with your child's physician, who may refer you to a specialist with expertise in trauma. A caring response is the first step toward getting help for your young one.
viewing page: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9