SEXUAL ABUSE: TACKLING A TABOO
One in four women and one in six men have been sexually abused in childhood, many of them within our community. A new book explores this explosive subject and tells us how families can recover from the trauma
Essence Magazine
May 2004
BY ZIBA KASHEF
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When Robin D. Stone, a journalist and former ESSENCE editor, wrote in the August 2001 issue of the magazine about her experience with sexual abuse by an uncle and its aftermath, she received hundreds of E-mails, letters and phone calls in response. That outpouring led her to do more research and numerous interviews with other survivors. The result is the recently released book No Secrets, No Lies: How Black Families Can Heal From Sexual Abuse (Broadway Books, $ 23.95), a compelling collection of stories and survival strategies. Below, Stone discusses her book with Ziba Kashef, author of Like a Natural Woman (Dafina):
Ziba Kashef: In the introduction, you describe searching for materials on
sexual abuse but not finding any that spoke to your needs as a Black woman.
How does this book speak to Black women?
Robin Stone: No Secrets, No Lies tells our stories in
the context of our history and experiences. Many books I came across recounted
stories of survivors, but they rarely focused on issues that we deal with,
like the sister whose family called her ugly and said her hair was nappy.
She was already dealing with race-related self-hatred, which compounded
the experience of sexual abuse. I wanted to explore not just the ways that
we allow sexual abuse to happen, but also the dynamics that keep us from
acknowledging it.
Ziba: Why did you direct your book to families as opposed
to individuals?
Robin: When sexual abuse happens in the family, it
affects everybody in the family. We want to keep our business to ourselves,
but
the silence allows an abuser
to move from one child to the next. When I disclosed the abuse to my
parents, my uncle was told not to come around.
While they did the best they
could, they didn't know to report the sexual abuse so the abuser could
be dealt with appropriately and our family could
get help. By speaking up, we protect our children.
Ziba: Your book gives survivors the courage to come forward about their experiences.
What are the issues that hold us back from breaking the silence?
Robin: We have this image of noble Black women shouldering
the world. We carry the weight of our race. I think that as Black women
we have to recognize that we can't carry everything and that we should put
those burdens down. Also we tend not to seek therapy as a way of healing.
People are embarrassed to seek therapy. We turn to our sisterfriends or
clergy (who may not be trained in these matters) when we should seek professional
help.