Sexual Abuse: SPEAKING OUT ON THE SILENT SHAME (cont.)
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Every parent or caregiver should discuss with his or her child the inappropriate behaviors that are considered personal violations. If this discussion is too uncomfortable, then parents need to find books or other types of information that will make the much-needed talk easier.
According to Dr. Oliver J. Williams, executive director of the Institute on Domestic Violence in the African-American Community and professor of social work at the University of Minnesota, the denial of sexual violence and abuse is a major issue in communities across the country, including ours.
"The reality is that it exists in all communities and African-Americans are not immune," states Dr. Williams. "If we acknowledge our part of the problem and what our community can do to respond, we can find ways to protect our children and become healthier."
Part of that response means being aware of the sexual offenders in your neighborhood. Because of the 1994 death of Megan Kanka, a 7-year-old New Jersey girl who was raped and killed by her neighbor, a convicted child molester, we have what is now known as Megan's Law. Each state is now required to register individuals convicted of sexual crimes.
This information is important, but Dr. Williams says that communities should not develop a false sense of security because, "There may be predators that are not registered or have yet to come to the attention of the community."
In addition to always knowing your child's whereabouts, Dr. Williams recommends that parents develop a 21st-century response to the Internet predator. Monitor web sites that children visit and open up dialogue with them about the lies and tricks that are used to lure children in.
If a child or adolescent has been sexually abused, more often than not the child will not voice the experience out loud for fear of getting "in trouble" or for fear of embarrassment and being judged by others. Many times abusers make the victim fear them by threatening to hurt the victim or someone he or she loves.
Hiding this information can be stressful. This is why adults need to learn how to spot the signs of distress in their children. A sudden change of personality, reoccurring nightmares, delinquent behaviors such as running away and an inappropriate interest or awareness of sexual acts are all red flags that your child could be struggling through a traumatic experience.