Tavis Smiley/NPR Interview
Tavis Smiley/NPR Interview: Robin Stone discusses sexual abuse in African-American families
April 12, 2004
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TAVIS SMILEY, host: From NPR in Los Angeles, I'm Tavis Smiley.
An estimated one in four women and one in six men are
sexually abused by age 18, often by someone they know. Many of these
assaults go unreported to anyone, thus leaving victims to suffer alone.
The White House recently designated April as National Sexual Assault
Awareness Month, and so we thought we'd take the opportunity to speak
with Robin Stone, former executive editor of Essence magazine and author
of "No Secrets, No Lies: How Black Families Can Heal from Sexual
Abuse." In her book, Robin, herself a survivor of abuse, addresses
the cultural taboos that have long kept black families, in particular,
silent on this issue. Robin, thanks for joining us. It's nice to have
you on the program.
Ms. ROBIN STONE (Author): Thank you for having me, Tavis. I'm delighted to be here to talk about this important issue.
SMILEY: It is an important issue, and it's not just an important issue for
you. It is a personal issue. Can you share?
Ms. STONE: Absolutely. Well, let me just start by saying
I wrote "No Secrets, No Lies" to start a conversation in our communities
about sexual abuse and its enormous and devastating impact on us as a people.
And, really, we all need to begin to take individual and collective responsibility
for healing and also for keeping our children safe.
You asked me about how this is a personal issue for
me. Well, I'm a survivor of sexual abuse. I was molested by my uncle when
I was a young girl, and it's something--because he told me to keep it quiet--that
I kept that secret mine and I carried that for a number of years. That can
take a terrible toll, not only on your body physically but also your psyche,
your mind and your spirit as well.
This is something I didn't disclose until I was a young
woman. And when I did, my parents believed me. I was a lucky one because
I know from my interviews for "No Secrets" that a lot of parents
do not believe their children. And so children are left not only with the
trauma of having been abused, but also with another trauma of not being
believed by their family members as well.
SMILEY: You told me who you told. Tell me why you told.
Ms. STONE: Well, I told my parents because, I guess,
at some point, I'd just had enough just carrying this burden for so
many years. And also, they created the space for me to tell. They asked
me why I didn't want to go visit this uncle who had abused me, and
that sort of created the space for me to talk about what happened.
And all too often, parents don't ask questions of their kids: Did anybody
ever touch you a certain way? You know, why is it you don't like Uncle
So-and-so or Auntie So-and-so? And a lot of times, it's because parents
don't want to know the answer that they don't ask the question. So
it's important to ask the question and create the space for children
to feel safe to talk about how they're feeling.