Tavis Smiley/NPR Interview (cont.)
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SMILEY: How does the healing process begin? And what obstacle,
if there is one, tends to be the biggest obstacle for victims of abuse to
actually overcome?
Ms. STONE: For many of the women and
men--'cause I interviewed men, I have a chapter in my
book on boys--one of the biggest challenges was just
acknowledging that they were abused. I talk in chapter
four about three stages of healing. The first is acknowledging
abuse, really coming to understand that you were abused.
And I have some questions in the first chapter to help
readers recognize if they were abused. The second stage
is understanding how the abuse has impacted their life,
shaped their personality or how they perceive themselves
in the world. And the third is taking action, and that
could be getting healing yourself, finding psychological
therapy or arts therapy, whatever works best for you.
For other people, it's really taking to the streets,
if you will, becoming an activist, joining an organization
that works with children or works with other sexual
abuse survivors. So it's really depending on the person,
whatever's most comfortable for them.
SMILEY: Right.
Ms. STONE: But those are three
general stages.
SMILEY: I recognize that you close on a house, but do you
ever really get closure on sexual abuse?
Ms. STONE: Personally and from
the people I interviewed, I wouldn't call it closure.
I think you come to a place where that experience
of having been abused or those experiences do not
loom so large in your life. It has a place in your
life and you can move on with your life. And healing
is a process. Anyone's who experienced some kind
of trauma knows that it takes time, but it also
takes work. It takes putting it on the table and
dealing with it, recognizing it and then working
on whatever issues there are to move on.
SMILEY: She is a survivor of sexual abuse. She is Robin Stone,
the author of "No Secrets, No Lies: How Black Families Can Heal from
Sexual Abuse." She joined us today from our bureau in New York City.
Visit our Web site for a fact list on African-Americans and child sexual
abuse. If you or someone you know is a victim of abuse, log on to our Web
site at npr.org for organizations providing assistance to victims and offenders.
Robin, all the best to you on the book tour and thanks for coming by to
talk to me.
Ms. STONE: Thank you so much,
Tavis.
SMILEY: It's 29 minutes past the
hour.
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