Time for a Change? What Discontent Might be Telling You

You receive an email about a co-worker’s promotion or new job. Your doctor says she’s concerned about your blood pressure. Or maybe a parent falls and suddenly needs a lot more of your time and attention to make sure they’re safe and supported. Any of these events could trigger a sense of unease or even alarm, causing you to wonder about where you are in your life and whether you might want or need to make a change.

It’s normal to be affected by what’s happening to family members, friends or colleagues, or by the awareness that you’re not getting any younger. These moments might make you uncomfortable, fearful, and even disgruntled. But they might also be gifts in disguise. Discontent might be an important signal that it’s time to pause and reflect on what really matters now.

Without introspection and reflection, we can find ourselves coasting through life or in a holding pattern that feels secure but is not fulfilling or benefiting us. When was the last time you considered your values, your goals and how you were living by and striving for them? Every so often it’s worth making the effort to step back from life and reassess. That could lead to a change that is overdue.

Start by taking a deep breath and asking yourself the questions: Am I happy with the way things are right now? If not, don't despair – instead consider taking steps to improve your life.

6 Steps To Making Change Happen

Pinpoint the issue. Consider an area of your life where you feel unsettled or uncertain. Is it your career? Finances? A relationship? Your health? Take a few minutes to write about it in a journal. Explore how you would want things to be different in this area.

Focus on the possible. Ask yourself the “Miracle Question,” a concept from Solution Focused Therapy that goes something like this: “If I could wave a magic wand and all my problems were solved, how would this area of my life be better?” This technique – by acknowledging that your problems are already solved – is intended to help you avoid getting stuck on any obstacles that might block your view of your goals. Write your answer down.

Consider your “Why”. Finish this sentence: “What makes this so important to me is ____________________.” Understanding why you want to make a change can help you take action. 

Review and reflect. Take a few minutes to read over all of what you wrote. Consider what feelings and physical sensations come up as you read your writing. Write down at least three feeling words and note what you feel in your body. Start to think about what next steps you’d like to take.

Talk it through. It may be helpful to explore thoughts and feelings that are connected with this exercise. Check in with a supportive family member, friend or trusted colleague. If this exercise feels challenging, consider getting the help of a therapist. A mental health professional might be able to help you get at the root of a problem, including anything standing in your way such as conflict avoidance. If talk therapy doesn’t appeal to you, explore other types such as art, music, dance or drama therapy.

Make a plan. Maybe you’ve decided to start a job search or to have a candid conversation with an elderly parent and siblings. Or maybe you need to end or seek a new relationship. Whatever it is, consider using the SMART goals framework to stay motivated and hold yourself accountable.  

These strategies will help you get unstuck and move beyond discontent to a better, more positive place in your life. 

How to Courageously Redesign Your Life

We’re moving into year three of the global pandemic and all of the sadness, anxiety, division, and death that has come with it. And as new variants emerge and stalk us, we’re also coming to terms with the reality that this virus may be a part of our lives for some time.  As a result of the pandemic, many of us are also reflecting deeply on what truly matters. We’re determining what we want – and don’t want – in our lives and what things we might want to shift or get rid of all together. And one of the biggest shifts has been our relationship to work, causing more folks to call it quits than ever before.

“The Great Resignation” is upon us. This term – attributed to Anthony Klotz, an associate professor of management at Texas A&M University – has been used to describe the mass exodus of people from their current jobs in 2021. In April 2021, 2.7% of the U.S. workforce quit their jobs, which was the highest ever recorded at that time, according to recent stats from the US Bureau of Labor and Statistics. Since then, that number continued to increase as 4.3 million Americans, or 2.9% of the workforce, quit in August. 

Some are changing companies, some are changing careers, others are taking less money for more flexibility or taking time off from work completely if they can afford it. For frontline workers, leaving their job was a matter of safety or a reprieve from high levels of stress. As two who were among the reported 552,000 Black women who left the labor force in the past year described in Barron’s, it meant liberation. The women, Jarie A. Bradley and Kristina C. Dove, who chose entrepreneurship as part of their next chapters, shared: “We both left notable careers and leadership positions in 2020 to launch our own businesses. We yearned for the ability to make our own decisions and have ownership of our time and energy.”

The desire to evolve is natural, and goal setting is an important part of that process. Perhaps you’re looking for a career that offers more flexibility so that you can be home more, or perhaps you want to pursue a degree or a certification to level up in your industry. No matter the impetus for your next move, it’s important to be holistic when designing your new path in life. Think about not just what you want to do, but how you want to live. 

And as we move into an uncertain 2022, one way to help you find clarity and certainty is to reflect on your dreams and write your answers to a few pointed questions. Here are three key considerations for mapping out possibilities for what’s next in work and life. 

1. How do I want to live my life?

This is a good time to think about what you value and how you plan to craft your next move. List your top 10 most important factors, such as more time for your children, or caring for your parents or making a difference in your community. You might value being able to have three days off in the middle of the week, or perhaps you need more time to work on yourself. Whatever you value, make sure you center that. 

2. What is the logical path for me to accomplish my goals? 

Is it going back to school, pursuing a credential, or securing an apprenticeship? Once you know what’s most important, consider the possible paths that can get you there. Keep an open mind – the right path might be something you hadn't thought about, or something that surprises you.

3. What are my sources of support? 

Sometimes making a big move in your life causes well-meaning people to project their fears and doubts onto you and try to talk you out of what you know is the right thing to do for yourself. Those seeds of doubt can wreak havoc on your confidence. That is why you need encouragement and support. This support could be a professional organization, former colleagues, mentors, and like-minded friends. Find a tribe of people who have your back so you don’t feel alone. They’ll help you navigate the ins and outs of your new journey. 

As you consider these questions and look within for the answers, be inspired by the poem below by Mary Oliver titled The Journey. It starts with the following words: 

One day you finally knew 

What you had to do, and began, 

Though the voices around you

Kept shouting 

Their bad advice‚ 

Though the whole house 

Began to tremble 

And you felt the old tug 

At your ankles. 

“Mend my life!” 

Each voice cried. 

But you didn’t stop. 

You knew what you had to do…

You can read the full poem here. And if you’d like more motivation, join my community writing event on Tuesday, Dec. 28. Click here for more info and to register. It’s Part 4 of my ’Rona Reset series, titled, “Sowing Seeds of Change and Growth.” This event is intended to get you to explore how you can use your gifts to move forward into the new year with purpose and passion, and to courageously redesign your life. Join here: bit.ly/wakeupmovement