Robin Stone, LMHC, PLLC
Psychotherapist, Author, Speaker

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Robin D. Stone is a New York City based psychotherapist, coach and consultant who works to help you achieve your most optimal self. 

Posts tagged COVID-19
How the Vaxxed and Unvaxxed Can Find Common Ground
 

Nearly two years later, it’s safe to say that most of us never could have imagined we would still be battling COVID-19. In 2020, the only defenses we were told we had were masks and social distancing, and people were divided about whether lockdown measures were the right thing to do. We now have broad access to various COVID-19 vaccines, but this has added yet another layer of drama to an already complicated situation: Vaccinated people vs. Unvaccinated people. 

Vaccine mandates in many cities in the U.S. mean that some people are enjoying freedom and mobility that we haven’t experienced since early 2020, while others are having to determine if they can frequent venues they used to, or if they need to leave their jobs altogether. Some unvaccinated people say the mandates affect their ability to earn a living and move freely, and they feel constricted and left out. They also may be apprehensive about sharing their status because of the potential fallout and stigma attached to being unvaccinated, especially from family and friends. 

With the holidays approaching, some folks are making the tough decision to change up their traditions and not visit with some family members, or host vaccinated-only gatherings. These decisions are deeply personal, and this charged environment is causing division and stress. But what vaxxed and unvaxxed have in common is fear, frustration and fatigue, and that could be a starting point for finding common ground and creating more peace for everyone involved. 

A major factor contributing to wariness on both sides is uncertainty. We don’t know how long COVID-19 is going to be around or how much longer our daily lives will be affected. We don’t know if new variants will crop up, and because some folks can be asymptomatic, we may not even know if we or others have the virus. 

Another factor affecting us all is grief. With nearly 770,000 killed in the US alone, the swiftness with which the disease has cleaved through our ranks has put us in a continued state of mourning since 2020. These profound losses can lead to sadness, hopelessness, and depression if not for maintaining connections, rituals, and practices that keep us grounded and lift our spirits.

And we are all coping with change in navigating this new Covid-era landscape. 

The uncertainty, grief, and change all contribute to ongoing stress and trauma that we have experienced, and it often shows up as stress, fear, anxiety, and anger.  

Compounding those emotions is some people’s need to choose a side as if it's “us against them” rather than all of us against the pandemic. 

There’s nothing wrong with standing by how you feel. We’re all making decisions based on the information we have access to, and by weighing our own tolerance for risk.  

But arguing about who’s right won’t solve anything and may endanger already frayed relationships. At this point, it’s probably unlikely that you will convince anyone to agree with you, especially if you’re being dogmatic and judgmental. What we can do to lower the tension in that communication is to set and honor your own boundaries. 

If you’re unvaccinated and still have questions, then stand by that as you adhere to distancing and masking to protect your health and that of others and continue to seek answers from trustworthy sources based on science. Remember that it’s not OK to force others to abide by your health choices. 

If you’re vaccinated and don’t feel comfortable around people who aren’t vaccinated, then stand by that as well. Keep your distance and mask up, and show patience and extend grace to your fellow human beings. Know that many people who aren’t vaccinated feel under attack for their personal decisions. 

We’re all experiencing fear, fatigue, and apprehension in these battle-scarred days of Covid-19; and imposing our views on one another is not a sustainable path forward. We will come out of this much stronger if we agree to disagree -- and each of us does what we need to do to stay safe.

 

 
How to Reemerge from Quarantine with Comfort and Ease
Credit: monkeybusinessimages/iStock

Credit: monkeybusinessimages/iStock

 

After more than a year of staying home, masked up, and vigilant about keeping distant in the coronavirus pandemic, vaccines have brought some hope that we can safely return to near-normal pre-pandemic activities. While that’s great news, not everybody is ready to re-emerge and reconnect just yet. In fact, looser mask mandates and social distancing restrictions can cause a great deal of anxiety for some. 

If you can relate, you are not alone. Let’s talk about what might contribute to your unease about resuming activities you once did before the pandemic started, and explore ways for you to get back to living your life more fully.

 Restaurants, theaters, and other venues are returning to full capacity, and some businesses are calling employees back to work in-office, but the virus is still out there among us. Yes, vaccinated people have a very low chance of developing severe disease, hospitalization and death, according to the CDC. But the World Health Organization says we’re not out of the woods just yet. Some countries still don’t have access to vaccines and infections continue to rise, vaccines are not yet approved for children under 12, we don’t know how long immunity lasts after receiving a vaccine, and we don’t know what may happen with variants down the line. 

That’s a lot of uncertainty to navigate, and our brains don’t like uncertainty because it makes us feel unsafe. So it’s understandable if you want to be cautious about how you emerge – or if you’re not ready to emerge at all just yet. The best way to move forward is to do what makes you feel most comfortable. 

 Here are four questions to ask yourself about how to re-enter society safely. 

What do I need to feel safe?

It’s OK to ask about safety precautions before you enter any space. If you’re invited to someone’s home, ask if masks will be worn and/or whether all guests must be vaccinated in order to attend. Determine if the gathering will be outdoors instead or inside. If you don’t like the answers, don’t go, and don’t feel any guilt about it. 

What are my boundaries for interacting? 

How you feel about emerging might be different from what other people are feeling. Just because some vaccinated folks are going around maskless and hugging cheek-to-cheek doesn’t mean you’re obligated to be maskless and drop your elbow-bump greeting. Don’t feel pressured to go along; listen to your instincts and go at your own pace.


What needs to change about the way I work?

Your company might soon require vaccinations, but even so, you still might not feel safe working in an enclosed space with others. Or you may have enjoyed and want to keep your newfound flexibility from working from home. You might not be able to dictate what happens at work, but keep in mind that a lot of companies are either going all remote or adopting hybrid models. It could be time to look for a job with protocols that you’re more comfortable with. (Or maybe you’re rethinking the type of work that you do altogether, as many seem to be doing.)

 

How can I still have fun? 

Think about ways to find the most joy in whatever you’re doing.  For some of us, social distance meant emotional distance, so as it warms up in much of the country, this is a great time to grab your girlfriend, your boo, or your kids and get outside as much as you can. Nature walks, girl trekking, dining outdoors, spreading out on the beach, or spending time in your local park are all great warm-weather options.

 

Whatever you do, consider what feels right to you, give yourself grace and reemerge in our own way.  


 
Saying Goodbye to COVID-Induced Cabin Fever
 
Credit: mimagephotography for Canva

Credit: mimagephotography for Canva

Guest blog post by Melissa Saenz

With spring in full gear and vaccines offering a measure of protection, many Americans are emerging from months of COVID-mandated sequestering. And it’s not a moment too soon, as so many people have complained about having “cabin fever.”

Cabin fever is defined as feelings of restless and irritability caused by being in a confined space. In the early days of the coronavirus pandemic, many high-risk states issued stay-in orders, which required people to remain at home to minimize the spread of the disease. Those orders affected me personally, making me feel restless and impatient. Other symptoms include difficulty concentrating, and feelings of inadequacy from struggles to keep up with daily or weekly schedules. Some also saw an increase of alcohol consumption, and changes in diet and eating habits. 

We all had to figure out how to adapt to this major stressor or face hopelessness and burnout. The Hans Selye General Adaptation Syndrome has three phases to explain what the body goes through when experiencing a stressor such as the pandemic: 1) Alarm Reaction: the heart rate increases, cortisol and adrenalin surges, leading to a temporary state of shock and a flight-or-fight response. 2) Resistance, in which the body copes with a stressful event and the heart rate and blood pressure begin to level off. If the stressor remains, the body adjusts, maintaining a state of high alert. 3 Exhaustion: struggling with prolonged stress can sap your physical, emotional, and mental resources, leaving you with no ability to cope and setting you up for anxiety, depression, and a weakened immune system.

There are several ways to overcome Cabin Fever. Keep these handy when cooler weather returns and if COVID is still stalking us:

Keep a routine – and stick to it. A routine adds structure to your days, supports a healthy diet, exercise, and sleep habits, and helps you stay focused on personal and work goals.  

Maintain social ties— Keeping connected to friends and loved ones help you feel less isolated and have someone to share your experiences with. 

Move your body – and get outdoors if it’s safe. As a dedicated runner, I make a point to keep going even in the cold. Movement boosts your feel-good hormones, and being out in nature creates a sense of well-being. 

Get creative— I started a hobby of making playlists featuring powerful women such as the Peruvian singer Reneta Flores (who sings in both Quechua and Spanish), Lizzo, who sings about body positivity, and Beyonce, who’s all about female empowerment. This dynamic female energy helped me get through the worst of my cabin fever, and it’s ready to support me if I need it again.

Melissa, an Advanced Clinical Intern at my practice, is a Mental Health Counseling graduate student at Hunter College in New York City. Running outdoors is one way she beats cabin fever.

Sources: 

Blackman, J. S. (2020). A psychoanalytic view of reactions to the coronavirus pandemic In china*. The American Journal of Psychoanalysis, 80(2), 119-132. doi:10.1057/s11231-020-09248-w

Brito, J. (2020, June 9). What to know about cabin fever. Retrieved February 16, 2021, from https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/cabin-fever#signs

Jurblum, M., & Ng, C. H. (2020, December). Psychological consequences of social isolation and quarantine. Retrieved March 01, 2021, from https://www1.racgp.org.au/ajgp/2020/december/psychological-consequences-of-social-isolation-and

 
The World Has Changed. And Guess What: You Survived!
 
Photo Credit Artem Varnitsin from Canva

Photo Credit Artem Varnitsin from Canva

We’ve been through a lot over the past year, and we’re still going through it. There has been so much loss, so much suffering, and living on the edge. Not long ago, just going to -- or going to work at -- the grocery store was wrought with anxiety. For some, it still is.

Reflecting on this time makes me think of how often I’ve heard everyone from clients to friends compare themselves to other people who have made dramatic life changes during quarantine like starting a new business or drafting a novel, and feel as if they haven’t done enough. After I remind them that comparing yourself to others rarely makes you feel good (hello, social media), I remind them that they survived. And in this particularly dreadful year that we’ve come through, surviving is enough. There is beauty in that resilience.

This calls to mind Alice Walker’s poem called “The World Has Changed.” She wrote it in the wake of Barack Obama’s first presidential win. It was a dose of reality for those who still couldn't believe a Black man could actually become president, and who feared that harm would come to him. The world has undergone monumental changes since then and we survived those, too. 

Walker’s poem is just as relevant today. It opens with a call to action: 

… Wake up & smell*

The possibility. 

The world 

Has changed:

It did not 

Change

Without 

Your prayers 

Without

Your faith

Without 

Your determination

to

Believe

in liberation

&

Kindness; … 

It reminds us that we made it through rough times and did hard things. There were moments when you laughed or even cried. There were moments that blurred together -- months of days on repeat. There were moments when you were bone-tired when you were snippy with those you love when you turned to comfort food way too much. You may have felt guilty for surviving, but you kept going because what else were you going to do? And through the most awful moments, you emerged resiliently. 

You didn’t have to write a book or finish a dissertation —  that’s great if you did, but for some of us, just getting through with our sanity and a sense of peace is enough. 

However you emerge from a year of Covid should be celebrated -- it’s different for everyone.

As we look back on the past year, and consider how our world has changed, and remind ourselves that surviving is success in and of itself, take a moment to consider the lessons we’ve learned and how we’ve grown. Grab your journal and answer these two questions: 

What has the past year woken you up to? 

What gifts do you have that helped you make it through the year, and how can those gifts help you going forward?  

It’s true that the world has changed, but as Walker wrote, it did not change without your strength. 

* From Alice Walker’s Hard Times Require Furious Dancing.


 
Why Many Black Americans Don’t Trust the COVID-19 Vaccines
Credit: AvailableLight for Getty Images Signature

Credit: AvailableLight for Getty Images Signature

 

GENERATIONS of medical trauma and racism

are at the core of the skepticism

As states ramp up mass Coronavirus vaccination efforts, one might expect news of vaccines being offered throughout the country and abroad to bring us all hope. After a year of quarantine, shutdowns, overwhelmed hospitals, job loss, business closures, and uncertainty, the FDA-approved vaccines – one from Pfizer and one from Moderna, with others soon coming to market – represent a return to the lives we knew before more than 460,000 Americans were lost to the disease and more than 26 million were infected. 

For many Black Americans, however, news of the vaccines and their “warp-speed” development brings more trepidation and skepticism than hope. Even though African-Americans and other communities of color have been disproportionately infected and killed by the Coronavirus, only 48 percent of Black people said they would definitely or probably take the vaccine in a recent survey conducted by the COVID Collaborative, the NAACP, and other research organizations. The survey also found that only 14 percent of Black people trust that a vaccine will be safe, and just 18 percent trust that it will be effective in shielding them from the Coronavirus. News coverage of “vaccine hesitancy” and the skepticism in Black communities is mentioned regularly, as are the efforts among Black medical professional organizations, public health advocates, and some Black churches to encourage folks to trust the vaccine. But rarely examined or addressed is why so many Black people are apprehensive. 

It should be noted that hundreds of years of medical trauma fuel this apprehension. Medical trauma is defined as “a set of psychological and physiological responses to pain, injury, serious illness, medical procedures, and frightening treatment experiences.” The impact is real, including replaying disturbing memories of traumatic medical experiences, significant distress when reminded of the events, disruption of treatment in order to avoid possible “triggers” and hypervigilance, and overuse of health care services.

 The trauma stems from ongoing medical racism against Black people in the United States through unequal treatment and education and, in the harshest cases, deception, experimentation, and a cruel disregard for our pain often in the name of science. These are not tin-foil-hat conspiracy theories in an obscure Reddit thread; this is our nation’s history. And, unfortunately, it is also a part of our present.  

From accounts of medical testing on enslaved Black people’s bodies to the story of Dr. Susan Moore, the Black woman who late last year posted complaints on social media from her hospital bed about receiving biased medical treatment and later died of complications from COVID-19, this country has a repugnant legacy of medical abuse and neglect that it must reckon with. The Tuskegee Experiment, which exploited 600 Black men from 1932 to 1972, and the tale of Henrietta Lacks, whose cells -- retrieved without her knowledge or consent during her treatment for cervical cancer in 1951 -- are still used in medical studies today, are two more common sources of anxiety for Black folks. But studies and individual experiences show that health-care disparities, mistreatment, and disregard are still prevalent. 

Black women, for example, are four to five times more likely to die compared to white women from pregnancy-related complications, often linked to medical negligence. These issues are amplified as prominent Black figures share harrowing stories of near-fatal experiences during pregnancy and birth. In an article for Vogue, tennis champion Serena Williams detailed the difficulty she faced soon after her daughter, Olympia, was born. All her life, Williams knew that she should watch out for blood clots in her body, so when she felt shortness of breath after giving birth, she immediately alerted a nurse, who reportedly suggested that the pain medication had confused Williams. Williams said she had to ask several times for a CT scan of her lungs before the procedure was eventually done. Sure enough, several blood clots were found in her lungs. For the next few days, the new mother, who suffered a pulmonary embolism followed by other health complications, had to advocate for herself while she was in pain and fighting for her life. Many Black women without the celebrity or the platform of Williams (or Beyoncé, who has shared about the emergency C-section she had when giving birth to her twins) are not as fortunate.

Again, none of this is new. James Marion Sims, often referred to as the “father of modern gynecology,” performed excruciatingly painful experimental surgeries without anesthesia on enslaved African women in the 1800s in order to “perfect” his procedures, and later performed them on wealthy white women with anesthesia. Three of the enslaved women who were operated on repeatedly were called Anarcha (who was operated on at least 30 times) Lucy, and Betsey. In his autobiography, Sims -- whose statue still stands in his honor in Montgomery, Alabama -- wrote about an experiment he did on Lucy: "Lucy's agony was extreme. She was much prostrated, and I thought that she was going to die. ... After she had recovered entirely from the effects of this unfortunate experiment, I put her on a table, to examine." Some have said that the women gave their consent for the surgeries. But what degree of “consent” could you give when you were the property of the person who subjected you to such pain? Books like Harriet Washington’s Medical Apartheid are filled with accounts of atrocities like this.

 More recently, studies of white medical doctors, residents, and laypeople found that Black patients were systematically undertreated for pain compared to white patients because of dangerous assumptions about biological differences between Black and white human beings (one such belief is that “black people’s skin is thicker than white people’s skin.”) As a result, Black patients are less likely to receive helpful pain medications. Even for our children, “a study of nearly one million children diagnosed with appendicitis revealed that, relative to white patients, Black patients were less likely to receive any pain medication for moderate pain and were less likely to receive opioids — the appropriate treatment — for severe pain,” according to a study from the National Academy of the Sciences of the United States of America.

Biased algorithms have also played a role in denying access to treatment. In Boston, a study of more than 57,000 people with chronic kidney disease from the Mass General Brigham health system found that skewed math kept Black patients from being eligible for kidney transplants. “One-third of Black patients, more than 700 people, would have been placed into a more severe category of kidney disease if their kidney function had been estimated using the same formula as for white patients,” reported WIRED magazine. “In 64 cases, patients’ recalculated scores would have qualified them for a kidney transplant waitlist. None had been referred or evaluated for transplant, suggesting that doctors did not question the race-based recommendations,” according to the report.

These are just some examples of the impact of medical trauma and medical racism on Black people in America. Our reticence to be first in line for a novel vaccine is not a result of superstition, ignorance, or a need to “get over” a painful collective medical history because -- as one white doctor on MSNBC recently said, “It happened a long time ago.” The hesitancy must be put into context and the distrust addressed.

In a recent article in The New Yorker, Jelani Cobb wrote that part of the effort to encourage acceptance of the vaccines is leaning on the credibility of those associated with them, like Dr. Kizzmekia Corbett, an African-American immunologist who was instrumental in the development of the Moderna vaccine. In addition to being a representative for young scientists and people of color, Dr. Corbett told ABC News that she felt it important to be visible at this time because “I wanted people to understand that I stood by the work that I'd done for so long.”


There is, of course, reason to celebrate a safe and effective vaccine. Americans, Black folks included, are beyond ready to get back to their lives without the fear of a potentially deadly virus stalking them. Nevertheless, our wariness is valid. But highlighting Black medical professionals’ involvement with or endorsement of the effort is only part of the battle to win over Black skeptics. With this country’s grim history of denying Black people control of their bodies, you can’t just say it’s safe to give your body to the latest that science has to offer without addressing the medical atrocities of the past and placing this conversation in the context of the fight to eliminate systemic racism. If you listen for the facts behind the opinions, what you’ll hear plain and clear is concerned citizens refusing to go blindly down a path they once trod unwillingly and unknowingly, trying to keep themselves and one another safe. What’s needed is understanding, education, and a commitment to building trust with a community that has every reason to be skeptical.

 
Your 2021 Black Girl Joy Diet: Reclaim Happiness and a Healthy Weight
Credit: Kali9 from Getty Images Signature

Credit: Kali9 from Getty Images Signature

 

New research: The emotions of 2020 transformed how we eat. If you want to release pain and pounds, a health coach has the tips you need to succeed.

It may be a new year, but we’re still feeling the effects of the 2020 shutdown. The “quarantine 15” added onto the typical holiday weight gain is having an impact on how we think about our food and how to take care of our bodies. Even a year later, our lives still feel disrupted. We are reaching for comfort food instead of healthy food. Our exercise goals have been crushed and tossed out with the trash. And why would we bother moving around if we’re just going to be in PJs all day!

Losing the weight we’ve gained can be a feat in itself, so this year, let’s change the way we think about diet and exercise with the Black Girl Joy Diet. In this article, we’re gonna take a look at what’s really feeding you. We may think of the foods we eat as the only thing that feeds us, but “primary foods,” as described by the Institute of Integrative Nutrition, are also important. Primary foods are the ingredients in your life that nourish your body, mind, and spirit.

In my latest article for the Sisters AARP newsletter, “Your 2021 Black Girl Joy Diet: Reclaim Happiness and a Healthy Weight”, I want to prioritize happiness within our healthy habits and take a closer look at what’s really feeding us. Click to read the full article here.

 
Moving Through What Seems Like the Longest Winter Ever
Source: Rido/Canva

Source: Rido/Canva

 

As the coronavirus continues its relentless march through humanity, there are rays of hope with the recent approval and distribution of the first vaccines. But it may still feel as if we are moving into a season of uncertainty, with cold settling in throughout many parts of the country and folks hunkering down for the season. This winter is sure to look—and feel—very different from winters past.

Seasonal sadness and feelings of loneliness are common for some with shorter days. These feelings are magnified with the country in the grip of a coronavirus resurgence, with hospitals in some regions overwhelmed with the sick and dying, millions still unemployed, miserly government support, and anxiety about when safe vaccines will be widely available. 

That brings us to “pandemic fatigue,” a sense of weariness from the steady case and death count and constant hyper-awareness—from washing your hands to wearing a mask to not being able to gather with others as freely as you normally would. Most of us have been dealing with this since early March of 2020, and the uncertainty of not knowing when it will end contributes to the sense of fatigue. Add to this fears of shutdowns—cutting us off from family, friends, and the places we love at a time when most people are drawn together by ritual and tradition—and it might seem as if we’re headed into the longest winter ever. 

Source: EvaBlancoPhotos/Canva

Source: EvaBlancoPhotos/Canva

For communities of color in the United States, the impact is felt even deeper, as Black and Latino people, who are nearly twice as likely to die from the coronavirus as white people, have been disproportionately affected in urban, suburban and rural areas, and across all age groups throughout the country, according to The New York Times. These communities are also heavily affected by job loss, racial injustice, social inequities, and lack of (or loss of) insurance, and many have to manage the stress of working in frontline jobs where social distancing is difficult if not impossible. 

While many of these circumstances are simply not within your control, you do not have to let the worry of winter wash over you. You can aim to be your healthiest self by finding ways to stay connected, stay active, and stay positive while staying safe. Here are seven ways to help you to move through the season:

Source: Oleg Baliuk/Canva

Source: Oleg Baliuk/Canva

1. Add walking to your day. A brisk walk, even just 10 minutes, gets your heart rate up and your blood flowing. Exercise that elevates your heart rate contributes to a D.O.S.E. of feel-good hormonesBrisk walking is also credited with helping you maintain a healthy weight, strengthen bones and muscles, help prevent heart disease and type 2 diabetes, and improve your mood. 

2. Stay connected. Even though you and your family or friends may not travel to see each other this year, you can still get together virtually via Zoom or FaceTime for game night, milestones, or other occasions that give you a reason to celebrate. Have the video rolling as you cook or have dinner together. Technology provides us many options to stay connected as we stay safely apart.

3. Expand your spiritual practice. Having a spiritual practice, whatever that looks like for you, will help you stay grounded during these tumultuous times. Whether it’s prayer, meditation, chanting, or some other practice, create space to focus inward and connect to a higher power, energy, or frequency. Need some help getting started? Try this guided meditation app, Liberate, which is a safe space for Black folk to develop a daily meditation habit.

4. Engage your creative side. Art is a cultural touchstone for many of us and often reflects what’s going on in our world—from music to writing and more. Try tuning into concerts online, dancing the night away to DNice, or safely visiting museums as a way to engage with the arts in your life. Want to learn to paint? Try a paint and sip class online. Cultivate a regular writing practice through journaling or use a site like Six-Word Memoirs to get you started.

5. Commit to learning something new. From cooking to jiu-jitsu to yoga, online classes are abundantly available for you to take your pick and are a great way to spend downtime at home. Joining a class gives you a reason to show up each week and creates opportunities for social connections with your fellow learners... 

Learn a new skill, participate in a favorite hobby with others via online groups, or take a fitness class. If yoga is your thing, or you’d like to try it out, here is a list of 20 Black yoga instructors with online classes to get you started.

Source: Braun S/Getty Images Signature

Source: Braun S/Getty Images Signature

6. Be still. Know that winter is a time of rest and renewal. Many plants and animals that go dormant for the season emerge in the spring full of fresh life and energy.

You don’t have to hibernate, but your body may need to take a break. Give yourself the gift of a day or an hour or even 15 minutes with nothing to do. Slow down. Read. Listen to music or soothing sounds or your heartbeat, settle your body, and reset.

7. Be encouraged. Consider that you’re moving through the most difficult days of what may be the most difficult year in your lifetime. Journal about what you're grateful for at this inflection point in your life, what you’d like to leave behind in 2020, and what you need to move forward in 2021.

 
An Election, a Pandemic and the Power of Hope
Design by Sarah Tulloch with Canva

Design by Sarah Tulloch with Canva


 

Lift ev’ry voice and sing …

As I write this article, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are preparing to speak for the first time as President-Elect and Vice President-Elect of the United States of America after their historic, hard-fought win of the 2020 presidential election. 

Til earth and heaven ring …

Regardless of whether you are one of the 74 million-plus Americans who voted for the Biden-Harris ticket, it’s hard to ignore the jubilation that fills the streets of many cities around the country as supporters celebrate with strangers and loved ones alike. Many Americans are feeling something that perhaps they were running low on: hope. After four tumultuous, divisive years -- and a 2020 that no one could have imagined -- hope is a welcomed emotion.

Ring with the harmonies of Liberty …

Hope is a feeling of optimism rooted in the expectation that what you want will happen. Hope is about aspiring, believing and leaning on faith. With hope, the positive can prevail. Hope can anchor us when everything else seems uncertain or in decline. It helps us to hang on through anxiety, move through fear, recover from disappointment and reawaken dreams and desires. Hope is what animates our goals and drives us to reach them, which in turn gives us more hope. Yes, hope is regenerative. In working with a client who is experiencing deep sadness or depression, one of the first things that I try to determine is her capacity for hope, because hope is the scaffolding on which to build a way out of despair. 

Let our rejoicing rise … high as the list’ning skies … 

And hope, especially, is what we need in this moment. With systemic racism and disproportionate deaths from COVID-19 deeply afflicting our communities, hope may, at times, feel like all we have. This experience is not new for us. Historically, hope has fueled our resilience. Hope is what led enslaved Africans to dream of and steal away for freedom. Hope is what led the late Congressman John Lewis and hundreds of other brave souls to march across the Edmund Pettus bridge for voting rights. Hope is what fueled the effort of Shirley Chisholm, the barrier-breaking New York Congresswoman, to become the first Black person from one of the two major parties to pursue the presidential nomination. Hope is what led Black folks, and Black women in particular, to ensure that a Black woman became the first woman and first woman of color elected Vice President of the United States of America. 

We immerse ourselves in that which brings us hope. Hope is in our art, our literature and lyrics, on the screen and stage. It’s in the way we masked up, lined up, and broke out in the cha-cha slide while waiting at the polls. Every ballot mailed in was sealed with hope. 

Let it resound loud as the rolling sea …

Here are some reasons to remain hopeful in this historic moment and beyond:

Your voice matters. Witnessing the painstaking task of making sure every vote is counted should let you know that your vote matters and that you have the capacity to affect change.

Sing a song full of the faith that the dark past has taught us …


You can make a difference. Not only can you let your voice be heard in the national election, but you can also get involved in your local community. You can help with voter registration efforts, volunteer to be a poll worker, support a Political Action Committee, or you may even choose to run for office yourself. Even outside of politics, there are plenty of opportunities - in person and virtual. Find one that suits you and get involved with something bigger than yourself -- which in and of itself helps instill a sense of purpose and, yes, hope.

Sing a song full of the hope that the present has brought us …

You’re not powerless. This year especially, there may have been moments when you felt helpless. Perhaps you or someone you love fell ill with COVID-19, or perhaps you were financially affected by the pandemic. Yes, there may be some circumstances outside of your control, but if you try to focus on what you can control, and the ways you can find support, you may find that even in the toughest of times, you are more powerful than you think. 

Facing the rising sun of our new day begun ...

You can do hard things. Whether you waited in line for hours to cast your vote,  whether the candidates you supported down the ballot won or lost, you made it through the most polarizing election in a lifetime, and you are forging your way through what might seem like an impossible 2020. You are a survivor. And may that, too, bring you hope.

Let us march on 'til victory is won 

(“Lift Every Voice and Sing” lyrics by James Weldon Johnson & J. Rosamond Johnson.)

 
How Black Women Can Put Their Anger To Good Use
 
 

The “angry Black woman” trope can be damaging to a Black woman’s psyche and your sense of self if you let it. But there are ways that your anger can inform and empower you. 

As the writer James Baldwin famously said in a 1961 radio interview when asked about being Black in America: “To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a state of rage almost all of the time — and in one's work. And part of the rage is this: It isn't only what is happening to you. But it's what's happening all around you and all of the time in the face of the most extraordinary and criminal indifference, indifference of most white people in this country, and their ignorance.”

Baldwin shared this observation nearly 60 years ago, but if you take inventory of the state of the world today -- in your life and in the broader society -- there’s still a lot to be angry about. It’s likely that you deal with persistent microaggressions in your professional and personal life, with  knowing that you are paid 38% less than white men and 21% less than white women even while you’re as qualified, and with experiencing repeated trauma from a newsfeed full of outrageous stories about the policing of Black bodies. Add to that the disproportionate impact of the COVID-19 virus on Black and Brown communities, and how could you not be angry?

Too many Black women feel they can’t acknowledge, much less express, their own anger for fear of being labeled an “angry Black woman.” But getting in touch with your anger could be just what you need to move through difficult experiences in your life.

As I recently wrote in an article for Sisters AARP, “anger is a part of a full range of emotions, and even though it’s a negative emotion (as are fear, anxiety and sadness), that doesn’t make it unhealthy. All emotions are useful because they convey information, and negative emotions help you recognize threats and respond to danger. So the question is, what is your anger telling you, and what can you do in response?”

Read on for the full article, You’re an Angry Black Woman? Own It. And learn how to put your anger to good use.

 
 
How to stay Connected While Navigating This New World
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Although parts of the world are opening back up, the coronavirus pandemic is still ever-present, fraying nerves and patience as we all learn to adapt. Between balancing work (or looking for work), wondering if the kids will have camp this summer and way too many Zoom meetings and toilet paper scavenger hunts, it may seem as if the last thing you and your honey have time to think about is each other. If stress and busyness have created distance between you, it may be time to reconnect.

In a recent article I wrote for Sisters from AARP, I share how the stress we’re all under — whether we’re still quarantined or navigating life within this new world — can keep us from checking in with each other and making sure our “love tanks” are full. Click here to learn some simple ways to reconnect, refill and keep your love alive.